Last Friday and Saturday, we attended adoption training specifically tailored for families adopting older children (i.e., not infants).  Before elaborating, let me give a brief summary:

• We learned some key items related to “attachment” that we need to convey to friends and family.  We need your support to ensure the boys really attach to us as their parents and internalize our proper roles.  Specifically, we learned how important it will be to have you “send them back to us” for a period of time.
• The workshop was unbelievably excellent.  I still cannot get over how challenging and practical the two (very full) days were.  Thank you to Adoption Ministry of YWAM for recommending Kingdom Kids Adoption Ministry for this training.
• Meeting others in the process of adopting, specifically hearing how God called them to adoption, was tremendously uplifting and encouraging.
• Getting to know Jeff and Chris, who live nearby and are adopting two kids from the same orphanage as our boys, was just amazing.  They have such a heart for God and we will continue to develop our friendship, which will allow the four kids to continue their friendship.  God makes provision in so many ways!

For those who will be around the boys in their first few weeks and months, please read on regarding attachment.  We will attempt to describe how you can help us ensure the boys properly “attach” to us as their parents.  Much of this is from the class; some of it is our own thoughts and ramblings…

Since the kids have significant life experience outside of our family and our culture, our number one job is to help them learn to be part of our family with its own unique structure and guidelines.  Their culture is much more open.  We have seen from video, pictures, and first-hand accounts from people who have interacted with them that the boys are outgoing and love people very much.  This is good, but might actually make their attachment somewhat complicated.  They will tend to go to anyone, and accept things (and direction) from virtually anyone.  In order for us to establish our role as Mom and Dad, we need you to “send” them to us when, for instance, they might ask you for something.  “I’m not your Mom (or Dad)” is a phrase we would like you to use rather frequently, at least for a while.  We don’t want them afraid of people, but some reluctance to go to others is healthy, appropriate and necessary.  There’s no magic formula and we’ll be finding our way as we go.  And we’ll probably make mistakes so we ask your forgiveness in advance in case we upset you along the way.

Also, during the workshops we met several people who have been there (and then some!) with adoption.  We were able to have fantastic discussions with some of the kids, including biological kids who became part of a larger family.  It was incredibly helpful to hear the perspective of all the kids.  They were extremely gracious and entertained all our questions on a variety of topics, some of which were rather personal.  We met and talked with kids who were adopted at the same age that our boys are now.  They’re adjusting quite well and that alone is encouraging to us.

We had met Jeff and Chris previously, but we spent hours Thursday and Friday evenings getting to know them much better.  They are a bit younger than us (but not too much; they have a young grandchild).  They have kids at home, some of whom were adopted as infants.  They are now adopting two children from the same orphanage in Ethiopia that our boys live in.   Jeff went to Ethiopia in March of this year and was with our boys when they learned that they’re our boys!  In fact, I think that experience helped influence their decision to adopt.  What a blessing to hear his account of that significant event.  We already have a strong connection to them, and I think they’ll stay on speed-dial for many years.

We also met Chuck and Teresa, who live north of Seattle and are considering the adoption of an older boy (13-plus) from China.  They are not sure the process can be completed before the boy becomes too old to be adopted (China has an age limit at the 14th birthday).  Basically, if God opens the door they plan to go through it!  They have a fantastic testimony about their older children and eagerness to include this special boy from China in their family.  They also have a tremendous story about their son’s brush with death last year.  I’ve included a link to their blog.

There’s so much more we could write about this.  We were so blessed by the weekend that it’s really hard to convey.  This is as concise as I can be.